Together Apart
by VipersAngel
Summary: Once you cross that line there is no going back.
1. Chapter 1

This story is a work of fiction and in no way represents the lives, thoughts or actions of any persons living or dead. The characters are borrowed and I claim no ownership, nor do I imply any association or representation. I make no money from these writings and it is to be used for entertainment purposes only.

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><p>I loved him.<p>

Two desks up and one row over he sat with the perfect tan, flashing a dazzling row of white teeth, blue eyes that surely were stolen from Adonis and broad, muscular shoulders. His laugh sparked a smile from anyone lucky enough to receive one. Did he just look my way? Oh, he did not know he tortured my very soul.

"Cory."

"Huh?"

My English lit teacher smacked her ruler against the desk.

"Are you paying attention? Please explain the rules of grammar etiquette."

"Um …" I had not heard a word Mrs. Donavan had said for the past forty minutes. My classmates were laughing. But not Randy, he smiled. He looked sympathetic towards me. Or was he only ready for the bell to ring so he could go to lunch?

"Learn this class. You never know where it may show up again."

I gazed at Randy again. Two more minutes and the bell would ring. The girl in front of him sat with her legs in the aisle, her body twisted so she could lean her elbow on his desk. Long blond hair, a perfect size zero and make up always applied just right. Perfect. Randy smiled as she flirted with him. Of course he would. She was a cheerleader wearing a skimpy uniform and I was dressed like GI Joe.

And why was it that me, a camo loving girl from a farm would fall for Randy, the popular football star who dressed in designer denim? Even if I could turn his head, how long would it last?

I slung my back pack over my shoulder and bent down to pick up the camo purse I had gotten for my birthday earlier that week. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a boy shove someone else. I didn't pay attention. Fights happened. The next thing I knew my body was moving sideways, a heavy weight propelling me into the row of desks beside me. The desks tipped over and I was soaring over them. I tried to stop myself, but the weight of my frame was too much and I heard the bone in my wrist snap followed by my head hitting the tile with a thud. Lights out.

Embarrassment.

I felt the heat rise up in my cheeks the moment I opened my eyes. Why was everyone staring at me? The teacher and a few students who had stayed behind to watch the fight and … Randy all stood over me.

"Are you alright?"

He was on one knee beside me. What a fantasy come true, but I had not imagined myself lying on my back on the dirty floor.

"I'm fine." I raised my head. I couldn't stay on the floor all day.

Randy took my hand and placed his other gently behind my back to help me. His touch was so warm.

"I'm so sorry," He gushed.

"Why are you sorry?" I never let Randy see that I liked him. That wasn't right. I loved him! "Ouch, shit!" My wrist throbbed. I had never felt a pain so terrible that I felt I would vomit.

"What? What is it? Are you hurt?"

"No, genius, I yelled ouch for nothing. It's like saying hello where I come from." Why had I been such a smart ass. It was in my genetic makeup, I couldn't help it, especially when I felt vulnerable.

He laughed.

He laughed? Most people looked at me strange or cursed me out.

"You're hand is swelling," Mrs. Donavan exclaimed and hurried to the little refrigerator she kept by her desk and brought back a blue ice pack. She wrapped it in the cloth she used to clean the whiteboards. I just knew my hand would be stained blue and red from the ink left on it. "We should get you to the nurse."

"I'll be alright." I'm a little stubborn.

"I'll take her" Randy chimed. We walked the halls together that day. He held my backpack over his shoulder even though it was so obvious it was a girl's bag until we got to the nurses office.

"Do you think it's broke?"

"What the hell was going on back there, Randy?"

"Geeze, I couldn't tell you. One minute John and I were talking about last week's game and the next he was shoving me and we were fighting."

"And you fell for it? You know John is always looking for a fight. Why would stoop to his level?"

Randy shrugged.

"I've never been one to back down, you know that."

"Ya, I know." A pair of curious eyes peeked through the window. "You're girlfriends waiting. You better go."

He looked over his shoulder then back at me.

"See you after school."

"If I'm still here."

Okay. Are you confused yet?


	2. Chapter 2

"Hey."

"Randy I have a front door."

My window was wide open and he poked his head in. If you haven't guessed it already, I knew Randy. In fact, I had known half of my life. My father worked for his father. He was hired as soon as we moved away from the small home we worked in Oklahoma. I was eight.

Randy and his family lived across the street and his father and my father became good friends before we had even taken the first box out of the moving van. My father went to work for his dad the very next day.

I went to work with my father. I got off the bus at the garage and I did my homework in the office. But the summers were my favorite. That's when Randy accompanied his father to work and we spent our summer days pretending.

To get a real picture of what my childhood was like you would have to see the large tin garage with its big rigs going in and out. To the side and to the back was a large junk yard, the neatest junkyard I have ever seen in my life. A highway ran outside the fence in the front. That was our playground. We would climb up on the old fire truck and act out our scenes. We played hide and go seek or just sat around and played in the dirt. It wouldn't be odd to find us walking across the tires that lined one outside wall of the garage. We were in awe of the rubber forms that were taller than us. That was our mountain.

When we were ten, a redesigned bus was brought in. From the outside it looked just like the school bus we rode to and from school, but inside, it was a camper, complete with a sink, stove and two sets of bunk beds in the back. Dark curtains covered every window and we had to open a few so we could see. We made it our club house.

In that bus we visited places like Egypt and Rome. Italy, France … any where we had heard about. It was an airplane, a boat, train. Anything we needed it to be.

When Randy's dad realized we were playing in the old camper bus, he had it moved. No. He didn't take it away from us. He moved it close to the storage building near the back of the property so it could be plugged into water and power.

Then we had television and snacks and cold drinks. It was always stocked. It was like magic the way it would always be full back then. Now, I think our fathers found it was a safe place for us and they could work without worrying.

It was on that bus, that we spent the rainy days watching movies on the soft sofa which was a table when folded out. The years passed by so quickly and we didn't notice that we were growing up. But Randy noticed that I had changed though I was still the same tom boy I had always been. My bust had grown considerably bigger than most girls at the age of twelve and I noticed his eyes lingered too long and I soon realized that our childhood was coming to an end when he placed his lips on mine. Yes, Randy was the first guy I ever kissed. I like to think we were each other's first love but there was so much we did not know. For us, kissing was innocent. Just another game we played, but our games of house were more evolved that summer than they had been before.

Randy was home schooled until the eighth grade. He was instantly popular and he always had a large group of people around him. I didn't mind. I wasn't the kid everyone picked on. Actually, I don't believe anyone saw me when I walked past. I was invisible. I liked it that way.

"You didn't show up." He climbed inside my window. "How's the wrist."

I held up my hand and a cast that wrapped around my thumb and reached to the base of my elbow.

He sat down on my bed.

"I'm going to kick John's ass." He had a short temper. "I'm sorry you got knocked down in the middle of all of that crap today."

"I'll live." I popped another chocolate in mouth.

"How mad is your father?"

"He's not. I don't think he is anyway."

My mother ran off when I was just a toddler, so it was just me and my daddy. But mostly, I was on my own. My father was a good man, but he had to work and I had the days to run free. I didn't get wild as some kids may have because my father had no problem tearing my but up if I misbehaved. But he had trust. He laid out the boundaries and I kept to them.

"You kids want a piece of chocolate cake?"

My father had remarried two years earlier. Nina loved to cook and there were always baked goods in the house. She had been shocked the first time she had poked her head in and found Randy sitting on my bed. My father had been home and he just laughed. Even he knew there was no chance of anything happening between me and Randy. We were best friends. Nothing more. I don't think Randy ever saw me as a girl.

"That sounds great."

"I bet it does." I laughed. Randy's mom was strict about the sweets he consumed.

"Come on. Lefty." He joked about my only good hand.

"I'll bring it in here." Nina said and we both looked at her and dropped our mouths. Nina didn't allow food or drinks out of the kitchen. I'm guessing she felt bad for my wrist and I wasn't going to argue.

Randy held up a DVD case.

"What's that?" I asked as I fixed my many pillows along the wall so I could sit on my bed like a sofa.

"I rented a couple of movies."

It was Friday night.

"I thought we could have a sleep over like the old days."

"Randy, we are juniors in high school. We don't have sleep over's anymore. What happened to hanging out with the team and the clueless squad?"

"I'm just not feeling it tonight." He laid down on the bed and put his hands behind his head.

"Why not?"

"Laurie broke up with me after school today."

"I'm sorry." But I wasn't. I never thought much of Laurie; the tall brunette who topped led the cheerleaders.

"No, you're not." He playfully slapped my leg. "To be honest, I don't think I'm sorry about it either. If I had to hear that fake tone of hers one more time." We both laughed. Laurie and her friends really could have walked off right out of the Clueless movie with the way they talked and went on. It annoyed me. "I just don't want to hang out with them tonight … unless …"


	3. Chapter 3

"We should go to that dance," Randy begged.

"Nope." I had never gone to a high school dance. I didn't care to.

"Did you know that Laurie actually warned me not to show up tonight? Hell she's been threatening kids all week. She said it's an A list party and anyone …"  
>"I know. I already got her message."<p>

I thought back to the day before when Laurie had spoken to me for the first time in our high school career and told me not to bother showing up at the school dance. She didn't have to threaten me like she did some of the others because I told her I had better things to do with my time than worry about her juvenile dance. I still thought it was insane for all the kids she considered bad for her reputation to be bullied by her and her friends.

"I think I'd have more fun watching movies."

"You dance better than anyone in school. Its time you went and showed up those preppy girls."

"Randy, you know I don't care …"

"I know you don't. But I would have more fun if you were there."

"You never missed me before."

"Yes I did." He argued. "I just want to hang out with my best friend, Cory and I want to show Laurie that she hasn't broken me. If I don't go, she will run her mouth about how upset I was about her dumping me."

"Why do you care?"

"I don't know. I just do."

"Fine. I'll go." I was his best friend and it was important to him to seem okay in front of his classmates. I knew he was hurting even though he wouldn't admit it. I couldn't let him seem weak. He was under more pressure socially than I was.

"Great. I'll meet you at seven." Then he hopped back out the window and went to his house. Which gave me about two hours to relax before the rest of my night became unbearable. My father always told me that I had matured quicker than most the kids in school and that was why I wasn't interested in the things they were. Perhaps he was right. I had made myself the secretary at the garage when I was twelve. Randy's father thought it was cute and had showed me how to make out invoices and that was what I did after school. He started paying me when I was sixteen and I would go in after school anytime he regular secretary was out, which was often. I was ready for high school to be over so I could move on to what I imagined to be a normal life. Of course I planned to go to college, online in the comfort of my own home. I had goals, half of which I had already accomplished.

But there was one thing that I would allow to distract me. I thought about it as I stared in the mirror in the bathroom. I wore my favorite tee- shirt that had dog tags printed on it and "Army girl" written across the top. It had camo sleeves that looked like I was wearing a long sleeve shirt beneath my tee shirt and a pair of green cargo pants. I sighed. I looked like I always did.

"You like him." Nina leaned against the door frame as I held a tube of lipstick in my hand, staring at it. I never wore make up.

"Who?"

"Randy."

I rolled my eyes.

"He's been my friend since I was eight."

"You know what I mean." Was it that obvious?

"Randy doesn't see me that way." I put down the tube and headed to my room to put on my boots.

"So make him see you that way."

I always liked Nina. She was easy to talk to and she didn't try to be my mother and she didn't go overboard trying to become my friend. She just took me how I was and we got along great.

"I'm not going to change who I am just to get his attention." I replied.

"You already have his attention." She placed her hand on my shoulders. "And you don't have to change who you are to make him see that you are a woman and not just the buddy who helps him work on his car."

She laid a denim skirt on the bed. It was short and the ends were frayed as if it had been cut off. I had seen many girls wear ones like it on television, but very few girls I knew could pull it off. Not even Nina who was nicely put together.

"You have long legs and a great complexion, Cory. Show it off." She winked. She was right. I was tall and had a tanned complexion. I had one scar that was visible above my knee, but it wasn't that bad. I contemplated what she had said. She was right. Deep down inside of me there was a part of me that wanted to dress sexily but I had never had the guts to show my legs. I had always been embarrassed to dress in skirts and dresses around Randy. There was a time I didn't want him to see me as a girl. I just wanted to play with matchbox cars and when we were older I helped him rebuild the engine in the old mustang his father let him have out of the junkyard.

I grabbed the skirt and put it on. It was time to show all of who I was and show Randy what I was behind closed doors. I had tried on Nina's clothes before and I had a drawer full of things she had given me. How many times had I woken up and put them on, thought I looked great and then tore them off because I lost my nerve. It was time.

I applied my make up as I had always wanted to wear it. Thick black eyeliner and mascara to bring out my eyes and make me look like the bad girls on some of the movies we watched. I loved that look. I let my black hair down and it fell in waves around my face. I never had to do much to it to get the look others spent hours working on. I went into my room and put on my long necklaces with the over sized charms and the black leather jelly bracelets. I looked in the mirror. I thought I looked great. Different from anyone in school. For the first time I was exactly what I was inside. A little bit of a tom boy and a little girly at the same time.


	4. Chapter 4

Randy knocked on the door and I heard Nina greet him. I took a deep breath and took one more look at myself in the mirror. Would he laugh?

He wasn't looking my way when I walked out into the living room. He was eating yet another slice of cake and all I could think about was how great he looked in his jeans that hugged him in all the right places and a black tee shirt with a grey design on it. Nothing really different than he wore to school every day.

"Ready to go?" I asked and set my purse down.

"Yup." He put the last bite of cake in this mouth. "That was so good Ms. Nina." He said then he turned. His mouth dropped open and his eyes scanned me from head to toe.

"Are you okay?" I acted like nothing I wore was out of the ordinary. No way would I show that I had hoped he would react that way.

"Um … Ya. Ya. Let's go." He tried to recover, but he failed. He hit his knee on the couch because his eyes were glued to my bottom as I walked. I smiled, but I didn't let him see.

Randy did not say anything as we drove to the school and I began to wonder if I had done the right thing. Yes, I wanted Randy to see me as girlfriend material, but I also cherished our friendship. I didn't want him to feel insecure or nervous around me. I still wanted to joke and laugh and do the things we always had.

"Um …" He would look my way a moment, and then look away again. Whatever he was going to say seemed to escape him.

We pulled into the parking lot and got out of his car. I began to walk toward the door, sick to my stomach that I had forever changed our friendship for the worst.

"Wait up." He trotted to catch up with me and pulled me back. "Don't get mad at me when I say this … but you look really hot."

Okay, that rubbed me the wrong way. Yes, it was what I wanted, but I was hoping he had always found me attractive.

"Don't be a dog, Randy." I told him and continued walking. It's funny how you want something so badly one minute than not at all the next. I guess it's because I realized how much would change if that line was crossed.

I opened the door and the loud music poured out. Randy and I walked in side by side and he placed his hand on the small of my back. That felt odd and wonderful at the same time.

Laurie saw us and she did not look happy. She stared at me and at Randy and I could see her and her friends talking. I knew it was about us and they probably assumed Randy and I were together in the way she and Randy had been together. I have to admit that it felt good to see the look on her face. It was jealousy. I knew the look well.

We were approached by Randy's friends before we had moved from the door.

"Man, when you said you were bringing your friend Cory, I thought you were turning gay on me." Ted told him and his eyes looked me up and down. "Are you kidding me? This is the best friend you talk about? No wonder you keep her hid."

Randy looked at him inquisitively.

"She goes to this school, Ted."

"No way. I would know if she did."

"You're in my science class." I told him and rolled my eyes. I didn't think I looked that different. I guess I really was invisible. "I'll catch up with you later, Randy." I walked toward the snack table. A cold soda sounded so good, but I could hear their conversation as I walked away.

"I know you're hitting that."

"Shut up, Ted." Randy said and then their voices faded away.

Now, I understood why the clueless club dressed the way they did. The attention was awesome. I remember thinking I could get used to being complimented.

"Sorry about Ted. He's a Moran."

"I already knew that." I had my drink in my hand and I leaned against the wall watching as Laurie danced with Randy's friend, Cody. Her eyes darted to Randy and I knew she was hoping to make him jealous by the way she rubbed herself all over her dance partner. A fast paced song came on and she and her friends started to dance quite similarly to the way they danced on the cheer squad. For some reason I had the urge to show them up. I had taken dance classes and not ballet or clogging. I loved to dance, but I hadn't done it in public since I was real young. I could learn a routine just by watching a dancer or singer on the television and then I could make it my own.

"You still remember that routine we used to do?"

I knew Randy really wanted to make Laurie shut her mouth about how torn apart he was over her. He had already had a few people come up to him and repeat the things she had told them. He had laughed or said "Whatever" but actions spoke louder than words.

I had taught Randy a dance years before. He moved well and naturally moved to the beat.  
>"Let's go." He was back. My friend of so many years had found his brain and we were walking to the D.J. Where Randy asked him to play the song we always used. We told a story with our bodies and the entire school noticed. We must have looked great together because Laurie stopped dancing and stood with her arms crossed over her chest.<p>

We danced like we were in a music video and I had fun doing it. I forgot that we were at a school function and showed off what I could do. I would not be invisible after that night.


	5. Chapter 5

After the dance, we laughed and I forgot that I was wearing the short skirt and make up. Everything was back to normal.

"Where are you going?" I said while I laughed when he took a turn that would not take us home.

"You'll see." He said and then turned up the radio. We sang along with the heavy metal song that we knew well.

A few minutes later he pulled up to the gate of his father's garage, got out and unlocked the gate. I had no idea he had a key to it. He then drove to the back of the property and parked beside the old camper.

"I can't believe this thing is still here." I said after I got out of the car.

"Yup. It's still here. Wow, I think it's been what? Two years since we were here?"

"Three." We walked up to the door and went inside. It looked exactly how it had the last time we had been there. I traced my fingers over the hand held can opener on the tiny counter. I had experimented with my cooking skills there many times during that summer.

Randy flopped down on the sofa and kicked up his feet.

"Sometimes I wish things were as simple as they were when you used to play here."

I sat down beside him and leaned my head against the arm he had laid across the top of the sofa.

"I don't know. Maybe we make our lives complicated."

"Maybe."

I closed my eyes. Those days were simple. We didn't worry about how we looked in the mirror or to other people. We didn't care what people said and there were no invisible lines that had to tip toed around.

"Why do girls play games?"

"I think guys play just as many."

He laughed.

"Since when do you defend how women are?"

"I'm not defending anyone. People in general like to play games. It's like their allergic to the truth and kindness."

"Laurie plays so many games. We dated for nearly a year and I don't think I know anything more about her than I did when we met."

"Laurie makes it up as she goes along. I don't think she knows who she really is. She just becomes whatever everybody wants her to be. Whatever works."

"I know one thing … no one will ever assume my best friends a guy again." He laughed. "You turned a lot of heads today."

"You sound jealous."

"I am. You're going to have so many dates; you won't have time for me." He grinned.

"Don't bet on it."

"Seriously, Cory, it pisses me off how many of my friends didn't know who you were. Damn, I talk to you at school every day. We ride to school together. They're so shallow."

"It's high school." I sighed.

"Man, I miss this place. It was really hard to stop spending my summers here."

"I still spend summers here." I informed him.

"You do?"

"I work in the office in the summer, remember? I take my breaks in here."

"That's right." Randy rarely came by the garage in the summer and I thought often about how we barely saw each other during the summer when at one time we had spent every moment together in the warm days. "If I had never heard …"

"Never heard what?"

"Oh its nothing."

"Tell me?"

"Well, I just don't think I should say anything."

"Tell me." I insisted tickling his side until he gave in.

"That last summer, you know how we were."

"I WAS here." I said in my normal sarcastic way. That was the summer we had been more than friends. Like most kids that age, we were curious. I still say Randy was more so than I was. We kissed. A lot. Randy had touched me in places that I still make me blush. But that was it. We didn't share our first time together or anything, but Randy still KNEW me better than anyone. Then it stopped. He suddenly wasn't interested and we went on being just friends. No explanation. No reason why. And we neither of us ever talked about it.

He touched my hand, turned to face me and looked at me with a serious expression and not a fake serious look where he would burst out laughing, but honestly serious.

"That was the summer your dad became half owner of this place."

"Ya. And they had this celebration and they both got completely plastered."

"Our dads are funny drunk."

"That they are."

"But that night, after you fell asleep …" He left out how we had made out in his room as Metallica played in the background. "I went to get something to drink. Everyone was gone but our dads. They were still drinking and talking about the plans for the future." He laughed.

"Ya. They had a lot of crazy plans. I heard them all."

"Not this one … That night they were talking about us and how one day we would be running the garage. I had never realized that one day the business would be handed down to us. Then they started talking about our life and … well, I just started to think about"

"Oh just spit it out, Randy."  
>He answered by kissing my lips. Passionate and uncontrolled, everything I dreamed of. He laid me down on the sofa and his hands began to wander down my side and then my thigh. His kisses traveled down my neck, seemingly hungry for the taste of my skin.<p>

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry." He apologized and moved away from me. He put his hands up as if I had a gun forcing him away. I rose up and straightened my clothes. I didn't know what to say at that moment.

He leaned against the arm of the sofa and placed a throw pillow on his lap. His hand touched his lip and he stared the opposite way from where I was sitting, deep in thought.

"We can't … we just can't be more."


	6. Chapter 6

"This is serious." Randy talked. Not really forming a complete sentence or idea, yet I could understand what he meant. "I mean what if we split … how could we run it?"

His hand ran over his head frantically. It was that moment that I knew it was not the first time he had wrestled with those thoughts. My first thought was to let him talk out his feelings knowing that Randy never fully understood what he worried over until he said it out loud, usually to me, and then I would pretend none of it had ever been said.

Not this time. No. I couldn't. I had loved him all of that year as much more than my best friend and I wanted a new memory. A fresh moment to calm my fluttering heart and help me through the days and nights where I bottled up my true feelings. I slid close and he looked at me, a look of torture and desire written in his eyes. I touched my hands to those chiseled cheeks and I laid my lips on his and he accepted my kiss, parting his lips and touching his tongue to mine gently until he gave in and fully pressed his tongue into my mouth. My actions did not help him control the lust he had locked away. That moment was intense, both of us releasing an animal desire, pulling at each other's clothes, hearing the threads snap and rip as we clawed, needing to feel the warmth of the others bare skin, wanting each other in ways our young minds had yet to experience.

No words, only moans as our hands, tongues and lips explored. Randy had learned so much since he had last touched me. So easily he took control. Peeling away my shirt, teasing my breasts the way he ran his tongue across the lining of my bra, slipping my legs around his waist and sliding my skirt up until he could press his manhood against the forbidden entrance that would thrust me into womanhood.

I found myself tugging at the brass button of his jeans, wanting to free the monster that would forever change us.

He grabbed my wrists and thrust them to the sofa forcefully. He lifted his body off me slightly, panting, wild eyed. I was terrified of his new expression.

"I can't do this, Cory."

Why couldn't he make love to me? I knew he wanted to just as I did. I know he did. I wanted to get mad. I wanted to scream at him. I wanted to punch him. Was I not girlish enough? Why could he only see me as his buddy? Why!

But I didn't scream. I didn't speak my emotions. I didn't try to resolve our differences as we always had before.

He kissed me again and pulled away with a cry as if someone else had jerked him away.

"I can't … I just can't!"

I punched him. As hard as I could. He howled in pain and held his eye as I dressed and snatched his keys from the counter and ran out of the camper.

"Cory!" he screamed after me, but I kept running. Again it was raining and I still kept running through the mud passing Randy's car and heading toward my hiding place. The one place Randy never could find when we were kids. The reason I always beat him at hide and seek. I needed it at that moment. I had to get away from him and the feelings that refused to stay behind.

"Cory!"

I kept running. He couldn't see me cry. I'd never let him see me cry.

"Leave me alone!" A shrill scream came from my lips as his long legs caught up with me and his hand grabbed my arm.

"Damn it. Stop!"

I shrugged away, tripping over my own clumsy feet and falling into a large puddle of sludge. I sat there, sobbing and wiping away the mascara that rolled down my cheek.

"Go away, Randy! Go away!" I was embarrassed that he saw me so weak at that moment and I think it shocked him as well because he just stared down at me in disbelief, still shirtless, the rain pouring over him as if he was standing in the shower.

I glanced at him, standing there. He didn't know what to say to me. Randy? Someone I had seen in action with other girls. So smooth and sweet he was with them. But with me, he stood there.

Finally he dropped to his knees and put his arms around me.

"Don't …" I swayed my body away and turned my back to him.

"I don't know what I'm supposed to do here. You've always been the strong one Cory."

"No." I shook my head. "I've never been strong. I pretend nothing hurts … that's all." Why did I tell him that?

"Why? All this time? Why? Do you know how many times I have imagined you when I slept with other girls? When I kiss them? Every time, Cory! Every time!"

"Ugh! That's disgusting." I didn't believe him. I thought he was trying to make me feel better. "You're sick." I scrambled to my feet and slammed them against the soggy earth.

"Don't' you understand!" he screamed spinning me to face him so hard I fell against his body. " I can't have you! I won't cross that line and it's killing me!" He kissed me hard, hungrily.

I shook my head and broke free of him. I had put it all on the line and he had shot me down. I felt a shock so stunning I could not think straight. I reached his car without realizing I had been moving in that direction. I jumped in and locked the door leaving him jerking on the handle, screaming at me to open the door. Instead I slung mud as I peeled out of the lot and out into the street.

CRASH!

Blinded by the mascara that stung my eyes, I never saw what hit me. A bright white light illuminating the entire interior of the car was all I could remember and the way my body jolted violently from behind the wheel.

I woke up to the sounds of sirens, but only briefly. Sluggishly I opened my eyes. Faintly I saw Randy knelt over me, his hands on my chest before he was pulled away and a plastic cup like object was placed over my nose and my mouth. Then the darkness came …


	7. Chapter 7

I woke up, but the darkness remained. I knew my eyelids were open, but I couldn't see anything, not even a shadow and I felt the pressure of something on my eyes. It was soft, yet irritating, I wanted it gone and I tried to pull it away.

A gentle hand touched mine.

"It's a bandage." The worried voice of my father. I didn't have to see his face to know he had been crying.

"I'm sorry daddy." My voice was so weak.

"It's okay." He consoled, but I hated making him worry. I remembered fighting with Randy and I was smart enough to know that I had wrecked Randy's car. "You're okay, that's all that matters."

"Randy?"

"He wasn't in the car, baby. He's fine."

I knew Randy wasn't with me and I wondered if he had told my father how I ended up in his car without him. My father never said anything.

"He's mad at me." I didn't hear him in the room and wondered if he was angry with me. Randy loved his car so much and judging by how much pain I felt, I knew I had totaled it.

"I'm not mad at you silly." He sounded as he always had, but if he was hiding his true feelings I couldn't tell. I never could. "If it makes you feel any better, you look worse than my car does."

I laughed. Weakly, but I couldn't help it. He always knew what to say to make me laugh.

"When can this thing come off? I hate not being able to see." No one answered and the room became deathly quiet. "What's going on?" I hated not being able to see their faces. I would know something was wrong if I could see their eyes. Both of them had eyes like glass.

"You won't see anything, sweetheart." Nina's soft voice spoke. I didn't know she was there until that moment.

"Why not?"

"There is pressure on the optic nerve. You went through the windshield."

"Impossible. I always wear my …" but I hadn't put on my seatbelt. I had been too angry and upset.

"You forgot it." My father whispered. It all came back to me. Out of habit I was pulling it across my lap as I pulled into the road, but I had never snapped it into place. "I told them they were wrong, but they … said if you had been wearing it, that truck would have crushed you." My father sobbed and I felt even worse that I had brought him pain. He was a strong man and I had broken him. "Randy … saved your life."

Randy had performed CPR on me as I lay on the side of the road, his face was the last thing I saw before I lost my sight. It was a memory that I would love and hate.

"You're stomach's rumbling daddy." I seemed to hear things louder than before.

"Of course it is. He hasn't left this room …" They were all trying to be optimistic, but Randy seemed to cut them off on purpose sometimes, things I wouldn't pick up on until later.

"I'll stay with her. You guys need to get out of here for a while."

"I'm fine." My father argued.

"No you're coming to eat something." Nina was the only one he wouldn't argue with and then I was alone with Randy which I feared because being alone with him was what had put me in that hospital bed in the first place.

We didn't say anything. I didn't know what to say and I guessed he couldn't either. I wondered if it would always be awkward between us until he took my hand and I heard him sob and felt warm wet liquid run down my arm. I felt him shake as he cried.

"I'm sorry I wrecked your car." I whispered.

"I don't care about that damn car." He snapped. "Look what I did to you. My best friend. Look what I did."

"I did this to myself Randy." I knew he had held himself together well while my parents were around. I felt his fingers caress a strand of my hair away and I could feel him staring at me as he sniffed away his tears.

"No, this is my fault, I shouldn't have made you go to that dance. I should have taken you home after …"

"Okay, so it's both our faults." I said with a laugh. I couldn't let him be upset about it. "Randy. Don't lie to me. I'm I going to get my sight back?" 

Nothing.

"Randy." I insisted and touched my hand to his face and felt him shake it slightly.

"I don't know. They did surgery but there's this scar tissue crap. Maybe. That's what your dad said after he talked to the doctor. But I'm going to help. Whatever you need, I'll be right beside you."

"Really? Hmmm… I want a soda." Again I made a joke. I had to. I wanted us back to normal more than I wanted my eye sight. Yet, I knew seeing his smile and watching the way he walked with a slight sway would be what I missed the most."

"Cream?"

"With ice cream." I laughed.

"Always a pain in my ass." I knew he was going to say that. "I'll be right back." Then I felt the warmth of his lips on my forehead briefly and heard his footsteps as he left the room.

I sighed. I had thought myself smart until that moment. How could I have lost control like that? I never thought the secret feelings I had for Randy would end so badly. I had always been level headed under pressure and the way I had lost control was a shock to me as much as it was to Randy. I wondered if I would get my eye sight back. I wondered what I looked like. Was I disfigured as well?


	8. Chapter 8

A week later I was finally released from the hospital and I could feel a change the moment I walked in the door of my home. I knew everything had been moved so I could walk from the front door to my room without tripping over anything. I felt insulted, yet I knew they thought they were helping me. I just wanted everyone to stop fussing and let me deal with the results of my own stupidity.

I didn't know what I was going to do about school. I knew there was no one qualified to teach the blind at the simple country school. I tried to envision myself attending my regular classes … if I listened real hard and if someone led me to my next … But how would I be able to write my answers neatly on that now invisible blue line on my sheet of notebook paper?

Slowly, I began to accept that I would have to learn how to survive all over again. I felt vulnerable and weak and I hated it. How could I take care of myself?

Randy stayed by my side. He was beside me when I fell asleep at night and right there when I woke up, only smelling fresh out of the shower and I would breathe in the scent of Irish Spring. It was that scent that woke me every morning and I quickly became dependent on it as I once had been on my alarm clock. Randy left school and his mother taught him again no matter how much his father begged him to stay in public school for football so he could win a scholarship, but he said he had only gone to public school because I did and now that I didn't attend anymore it didn't make sense for him to.

His mother was delighted, not only did she have Randy back as a student, but she had me as well. She taught me everything except brail. I had a separate Tudor come to the house for that. It all felt like a bunch of bumps and I couldn't make any sense of it and I would grow angry every night thinking about how much I had loved watching movies and how never being able to read would take away the only other thing I enjoyed doing for entertainment.

"I got something for you." Randy said one night. The time he was gone always seemed much longer now that I couldn't see.

"Hmmm." I heard plastic being ripped, reminding me of how a CD or DVD sounded when it was opened.

"It's a book. Supposed to be a really good one."

"You hate to read." I could hear the depression in my voice those days. I had given up trying to brush my hair and no longer asked Nina if the clothes I wore matched or even looked good on me. I knew I looked horrible without being able to see my reflection.

"You're still beautiful." Randy had told me every time I asked after the accident, but it was the word _still _that made me wonder and the long crater I could feel with the tip of my index finger that ran from the corner of my left eye to my jaw painted a much different picture of what my present reflection was.

"There's this new movie out that I wanted to see, but then I got to thinking about how you always say that they leave so much out and that books tell so much more about the people … so …"

"You can still watch movies."

"Ya, I know, but I would rather listen to this audio book with you that way we can both imagine it in our minds and it would be like we were watching a movie together. That's what I loved about watching them anyway." Later I would learn that Randy put one of his trophies through his TV the day he found out I lost my eye sight.

"Sure." But he fluffed my pillows just the way I always did when we watched movies and I felt him flop down beside me.

"Come on." He hooked one hand around my waist and pulled me back making me use his bicep as a pillow. "Give it a try."

Slowly, I was realizing that things between us were not the same as before that rainy night. Randy catered to my every need and I swear I could smell his guilt or maybe I imagined I did. He was hurting me more and had no clue he was doing it. I didn't want his pity or his guilt. I wanted my best friend.

The book he had bought was good and it was nice to escape my problems for a little while. It helped slightly and I caught Randy gasping from time to time with surprise. I could plainly imagine that expression he wore when something surprised him. I wished I could see it then.

"I got you something else." He told me after the first CD had ended.

"Disc 2?"

He laughed.

"It's about time you got your sense of humor back. I really hate this depression you've been in."

"Just because my clothes don't match doesn't mean I'm depressed.

"Oh stop lying. You know how you've been lately. And your clothes do match."

"Whatever makes me feel better right, Randy?" I snapped at him, so sick of his desire to keep me in a good mood even if he had to lie to do it. I was bitter towards everyone those days. Sometimes tempted to push them all from my life so I didn't have to hear their sympathy.

"No. You _do_ match because I make sure all the tee shirts in your drawers that will match whatever comes out of your pants drawer are always in the top layer." I felt his breath in my ear suddenly. "Are you wearing the pink panties or the black thong?"

"Stay out of my dresser!" I slapped his arm. I didn't have to see him to know where he was. But I knew I was blushing from the intense heat in my cheeks.

"That's it." I felt myself lifted into the air and he dropped me down on the bed. I squealed. Finally, he wasn't treating me like a fragile porcelain doll. "You're going down!"

"What's going on in here?" My father had become over protective for the first time in my life. "Randy. Get off her! What are you doing?" He was panicked.

"We're just playing Daddy." He used to laugh when Randy and I wrestled, slinging each other around and pretending to elbow or punch each other.

"Just be careful." I could feel his eyes burning into Randy.

"Yes sir."

"Geeze, I'm so tired of that. Every time I try to do anything, everyone acts like I'm going to shatter or something."

"He's just worried, Cory."

"Stop picking the threads out of my comforter." I had always had to scold him for that. I already had a bare spot on the blue blanket were he had torn out all the butterflies that had been sewed into it. I often felt for that spot when I would wake and find him gone.

"Damn. I still can't get away with anything."

"Not as long as I'm breathing."

"Hell, even then you would probably haunt me."

"You would love it."

"Ya … I would." Then … Soft, slightly moist and warm lips caressed mine. It was the first time since the night of the dance. I loved the way he kissed. But wait, he was playing with my finger … was he rubbing it or … I felt the chill of something sliding with his fingers over my left ring finger.

"What is that? Randy?" My heart beat wildly. I couldn't breathe. "Randy. What?"

"It was my grandmother's. The one with the ruby that I showed you once … Remember you said you hoped when you got engaged you would get one that beautiful."


	9. Chapter 9

Engaged? I was seventeen. I couldn't be anyone's wife. I couldn't take care of myself much less someone else.

"This week I'm going to train under my dad at the shop." Randy went on.

"But you wanted to go to college. You always planned to hire people to run the garage …"

"Well, that was before. I'm about to get my diploma and I'm sick of school."

"You're lying."

"I'm not lying, Cory. I don't want that anymore and I want to marry my best friend. I realized I would never be happy with anyone else."

"You realized?"

"Don't do that. Don't turn this into some ..."

"I'm not going to be your burden. You blame yourself for me being blind. Well, stop. It's not."

"This has nothing to do with you going blind. I love you."

"I know you love me … and you don't love me. Not like that."

"You can't read minds, Cory. You think you would be a punishment to a man. But you're not. You're a wonderful person. Sweet, caring, funny …"

"Fine. Then go to college. Follow through with your dreams. Then, if you still feel this way, ask me again."

"I'm not asking you again." I could hear his temper and I knew his nostrils were flaring.

"I didn't get accepted to college. They turned me down."

"What? But your grades are good."

"Not that good."

"Oh, Randy." I put my arms around him. I felt like his grades dropping were my fault. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I don't want to be your second choice."

"You were never my second choice. You were my dream. My fantasy, one that I thought I couldn't … Oh Cory I wished I could have seen earlier that loving you wouldn't ruin us. It only makes us stronger. I see that now. I was so confused before."

I heard footsteps in the hall and I pulled away. I still didn't want anyone to see us in a romantic embrace, terrified they would no longer allow Randy to spend so much time alone with me in my room.

"Okay, we are going out. You need anything before we go, Cory?" I knew it had taken a lot for Nina to get my father to leave me alone. "Randy, you're going to stay here for a while?"

"Yes, sir."

"have fun." I said glad that my parents were finally going back to their Friday night dates. Everyone's routines changed after the accident and it didn't help me come to terms with my new disability. "So, if you're serious … that means you talked to my dad."

"I … uh …" his voice was streaked with trepidation. "Your father will kill me."

"My father thinks of you as him son already."

"I know, but he never saw me as someone who wanted to do … you know … things to his daughter. Do you know what that man said he would do if he found out someone touched you … that way?"

"We were thirteen."

"Ya, and when we walked in on that conversation I thought he just knew about those games of house we played. I really miss that game." I giggled. When he nibbled on my neck and laid me down on the bed. "You know they will probably be gone most the night?"

I didn't need to see to enjoy the passion we had fought against for so long. I was paralyzed by his kiss and my hands were my eyes and I wanted to see every inch of his body. My fingertips glided over his chest which was more defined than I remembered, his abs cut and I traced the new lines.

He took his time. Too slow when I hungered to know what making love to him would be like as he kissed and touched every part of me. We slipped beneath the covers and the sheets felt cold, but I liked how the cotton felt on my bare skin. My body felt wet from a mixture of his sweat and my own as an unbridled desire consumed us. My heart raced. I lost my breathe and I felt like I was floating above the bed and when I felt him hot and throbbing against my thigh a fire rushed from my toes and traveled to my cheeks in anticipation of his penetration.

His hand ran down my thigh and grasped my knee gently and lifted my leg higher so he could adjust his position and I felt him direct himself, guiding his manhood into me, slowly and only a little at a time until finally he was completely lost inside of me.

His mouth covered my gasps as pain that I hadn't expected made my pelvis scream. I wanted to stop at that moment, terrified that I was indeed doing something wrong. I pulled away, but he held me to him refusing to let me flee. I felt myself begin to panic, I couldn't breathe at all and I was really scared.

"Shhh." He whispered and caressed my hair. He rained kisses over my forehead. "It's going to be okay."

"I want to stop." I cried. I had heard that it hurt at first, but this was so much more than I had imagined.

"Relax, Cory." My body was tense that I felt my bones would break as he tried to pull my legs further around his waist. I couldn't relax and he lifted from me. I thought it was over until I felt him move down the bed and then I felt him touch me, but not with his hands. I felt a wave of excitement as he did things with his tongue that I had never known was done. My body went limp and after a few moments of constant waves of pleasure he continued his own enjoyment and I no longer wanted him to stop. I never wanted it to end. I loved the way his heavy breathing sounded and the way he moaned in my ear. I loved the weight of his body on mine.

"You little son of a bitch!"


	10. Chapter 10

"Kelly! You're going to kill him!" Nina screeched and all I could do was fumble around searching for something to cover myself. The commotion in the room was more terrifying when I couldn't see what the true damage was. All I heard was shattering glass, crumbling and of course the thud that I knew was Randy hitting the wall in my bedroom where he ended up after my father jerked him from my bed.

"Daddy! Stop it!" I felt the garment I pulled from the floor. I felt it until I was sure it was a shirt and I slipped it on. I felt along the edge of the bed for my end table for some sense of where I was, but it was no longer there. I bent down and I felt its legs and realized it was on its side. I felt glass beneath my feet but I still tried to move around the room, one hand touching anything for guidance and the other reaching far out in front of me hoping to find my father's shoulder.

"How long! How long have you been taking advantage of my daughter!" My father was a large man and I remembered that my hand still fit inside of his even at my age. Randy was strong, but I didn't believe he could survive my father's rage. "I can't believe I trusted you."

"Tom, you better get over here!" I heard Nina cry and faintly I heard Randy's mother's voice on the phone.

The noise moved all around the room until finally it was no longer in my room.

I slowly made my way over the debris and felt my way up the hall way.

"Let him go, Kelly! You're choking him!" The shrill scream escaped Randy's mother's lips and I could easily envision her tiny hand fluttering to her throat as she often did when she saw or heard something unpleasant.

I could hear the air swish through the air as Randy's father rushed into the home to hold back my father. Tears streamed down my face. This was the biggest disaster I could think of.

"What has gotten into you… Wait, why is he naked?" Instantly Randy's father put it the facts together.

"Get out of my house!" My father screamed.

"Kelly, calm down." Nina tried, but my father wouldn't be calmed.

"No. No. His parents just walked in on him with the new neighbor girl two days ago! He gets grounded and what does he do? He comes into my house and seduces my daughter!

"What?" It couldn't be true. Randy wouldn't have put a ring on my finger if he had other girls in his life. Would he?

"He's running all over town, spreading his seed."

"I care about Cory." Randy defended.

"What? You want to knock her up too? You think she'll have a miscarriage like the Martin girl?" So many things I didn't know about my best friend. So many things no one ever mentioned. "Ya, you really cared about her. Didn't even bother to think of protection or how hard her life already is without adding a baby …"

"Daddy, we're getting married." I wanted them to know that Randy meant what he said.

"Married?" Tom was never surprised by anything, but our engagement shocked him and it was plain in his voice. "I thought you and Laurie just got back together. You're taking a trip to the university with her next weekend."

"Randy?" My presence had momentarily been forgotten.

"Cory," I felt him touch my hand.

"What are they talking about? What's going on, because I'm really confused right now?"

"I …"

"My mother's ring." His mother interrupted. "You took it from my jewelry box?"

His mother had no idea that Randy had gotten the ring to give to me. Randy was the person I trusted the most in this world and my head was spinning. I felt weak and I felt my knees give.

"Get your hands off her!" My father raged, refusing to let Randy hold me from hitting the floor. "Get your clothes … and get out of my house."

"No. I want to talk to him!" My voice had to be heard. I was sick of everyone protecting me. In a few months I would be eighteen and I had been treated like a child since the accident. This moment was serious and the most mature situation I had ever been in and I wasn't going to let my parents or Randy's parents decide what I should do for me. "Alone."

"Oh, no. You're never going to be alone with him again."

"I'm not a child! I lost my sight. Yes. But my mind still works!"

"Kelly, this really should be worked out between them." Nina, the usual voice of wisdom. "She's right. They're not little kids anymore."

I could hear Randy's mother sobbing softly and I felt my way toward the sound. I slipped the ring off my finger and with a little fumbling placed it in her hand.

"I'm sorry." I whispered.

"Oh, sweetie. You are the one I always wished … I have to go home and lie down." She was a fragile woman. The little stress would strip her of all energy and I knew she would soon have a migraine.

The room grew quiet, but still had the feeling that my father remained within ear shot.

"Randy." I reached out and found the sofa and sat down, knowing that was where I had left him. I reached out until I found him, but I couldn't find the words I wanted to ask.

"I have a problem, Cory." His voice cracked. "I'm addicted."

"Addicted to what Randy?"

"Please don't make me say it."

I cupped his face in my hands, feeling the lines and reading his expression with my fingertips. I felt angry. He was the one I always thought I could trust and he had used me. Played me.

I lashed out; taking my hand away briefly and bringing it back with as much energy as I could collect. I heard my slap echo off his skin and I heard him cry out from the shock, but I was hoping that it hurt him emotionally more.

"I don't want you to come back … ever."

I wanted to run out of the room, but hurrying away from anything was not an option for me any longer and I was stuck stumbling my way back to my room, closing my door and falling on to my bed the moment I found it. My heart broken in more pieces than the knick knacks that had lined my dresser.


	11. Chapter 11

Randy left for college. Laurie at his side. At least that's what I made out from the hushed tones around my home. No one would say Randy's name out loud as if his name was profanity. Daddy placed cold, steel bars outside my window, just in case Randy wanted to slip inside and try to convince me to let him back into my life.

But I didn't want him back in my life even though I missed him terribly. I was truly alone in my dark world.

By the time the holidays rolled around, it was hard for me to remember what I was so mad at him about. There was a hollow place in my heart that only he could fill because there was so much more to us than what had happened in my bed that night. Yet, what had happened was what kept me from forgiving him. I had to be honest with myself. What we were was not as important to Randy. His actions that night had proved it. Who in their right mind would risk something they held dear for a one night fling?

A fling. Something I never dreamed I would be to anyone. I felt dirty. Yet, the brief thrill of the moment before the fires of deception burned the bridge that connected us warmed my cheeks every time I thought of it. His kiss. His touch. I craved it and … I feared it.

Christmas, I found out that I had lost a month of my life after the accident and I knew why Randy had interrupted everyone when I had first woken, not wanting me to be upset that I had been in a medically induced coma. He had wanted me to feel as if the accident had just happened. The past was full of memories of him protecting me in some way, which made what he had done make less sense.

New Year's Eve I didn't want to stay up and listen for the ball to drop. I was alone. There seemed to be no one in my world but myself and even I was bored with me. I curled up in bed and hugged the teddy bear that Randy had given me for my birthday the year before and I cried myself to sleep. Just another normal night for me where I welcomed my slumber and the dreams of a life I could no longer grasp, where I was never blind and Randy was still my best friend.

A week later Nina came into my room with a package that had come in the mail for me, inside was a cell phone. I snorted. Another object I would need help to use.

"No, it has a button on the side." Nina told me, reading the note that came with the gift. "And you speak into the phone. You can tell it to send a message to someone … or call someone. It will write your text for you as you speak. Wow. This is some new toy." She laughed.

"Who's it from?"  
>"It's from Randy, Cory."<p>

"Send it back."

"Cory, maybe you should call him."

"Ya, Daddy would love that." I spat sarcastically. "I don't want it."

"I'm going to leave it right here on your night stand." She insisted. "I'm not saying you should let him back into your life, but closure would help put this behind you."

Closure? What more was there to close? He set me up, only wanting one thing and didn't care what he destroyed as long as he got what he wanted. He pretty much admitted it. Addicted to sex? What kind of excuse was that anyway?

That phone kept me up all night. It didn't ring, but I knew it was there. I had no idea how late it was, but I knew it was about mid-morning judging by the silence in the home. I sat up in bed and I picked up the phone. I held it in my hand. My stomach fluttered my nervousness as I contemplated making my call. I pressed the button.

"Call Randy." I said it slow and plain, worried it would misunderstand me and I would dial some stranger who would be angered by my middle of the night call. It rang and rang and I was about to hang up when he picked up. I closed my eyes as I listened to his groggy voice and I could picture him half asleep.

"Hello ... Hello?"

I hung up. The words caught in my throat. I was sure he would call me back immediately and I placed the phone under my blanket afraid it would wake my parents. But it didn't. Randy would wait on me to be ready to talk to him which took me another half an hour to get the courage to do.

"Cory, please don't hang up." I heard the moment he answered. I was silent. "Are you there? Please talk to me." I couldn't.

"I miss you so much." I heard him sniff. Was he crying? "I'm so sorry, Cory. I'm so, so sorry." I heard his tears in his voice. He seemed heart broken and I rolled my eyes up to try and stop my own from falling.

I listened to him sob until he took a deep breath.

"I've been taking this class." He began. "It's helping. Actually it's helping a lot. But I'm not sure if the class is what changed the way I think … or what I did …"

"You're a pig." I finally spat.

"Ya."

"You're an asshole."

"I know."

"But … I want to understand why?"

"I don't know."

"You used me and you don't know why. That's not a good enough answer."

"It's not. I just … I liked the way it felt to be with a girl. You know? It was like I wasn't able to function unless I had that rush that I got. Then I was grounded and you were the only person I was allowed to see, but it wasn't just that with you. It was different."

"Don't Randy." I could hear the nasty tone of my voice. "Don't try to tell me I was special. It's not going to make what happened okay. It's not going to make us okay. Right now I really don't think anything you say will make things alright."

"I'm not just saying it. I don't expect you to ever forgive me, but I have to say what I didn't get to say that night. I've been with other girls since you. I'm not going to lie and a hell of a lot before. But I don't feel anything anymore. Not like I did that night. Being with you was … different. Different in so many ways that I can't begin to explain. I've been honest about what I was thinking when I came to you that night, but it turned out to be something so much more."

"You were always good at words."

"Not with you. You always saw right through me." He managed a laugh. "No one could ever read me like you. I'm in love with you, Cory."


	12. Chapter 12

I couldn't take Randy's words seriously. I couldn't forgive him. I had once believed every word he had ever said to me. But Nina had been right and I had gotten closure from that phone call. I decided I couldn't sit there and let everyone take care of me like a child. I had to fight my depression and accept the things I could not change. After finding out the truth, I blamed Randy for all that happened to me and it fueled my desire to rebuild my life. I refused to let my life be ruined because I fell for a friend who really should have faded out of my life years before.

It was hard, but I was determined. I tried harder to learn brail. I enrolled in a college specifically for the blind and I left home, traveling further away than I ever had in my life. I enjoyed the train ride, even though I had always imagined driving myself to college, but the sounds and smells were exciting and I was sure my imagination painted a much better picture than what was really outside that window. I loved it.

San Francisco was a wondrous place. I fell in love with the sounds and I the people in my school. My teachers were helpful and I started to see becoming blind as a blessing for the first time, knowing that I couldn't have received the type of education I was getting at a regular college.

Jake was the first person I met at the school. He showed me around and helped me adjust to my new surroundings. He was a teacher's aid and I instantly developed a crush on him. Jake wasn't blind, but he decided to become a teacher after his brother, who had been blind, died. He wanted to make a difference in the world. He spent a lot of time with me even after I had grown accustom to my routine. He was the one who helped me gain independence and realize that there was life out there for me.

"This is frowned on, Cory, but I can't help it."

"What are you talking about?" I didn't have a care in the world that day, laying on the beach and letting the rays of the sun warm me.

"There's a party tonight. I want you to go with me." Jake was a student at the university and I was unsure if I would fit in at one of his parties. "You'll be fine. Everyone's real cool."

I went to the party. The music was loud and I could smell the alcohol. I began to feel nervous but Jake led me inside and helped me sit. He introduced me to some of his friends and I could sense them snickering.

I hadn't had a friend in so long that I was hungry. So hungry, in fact that I found myself accepting the flimsy plastic cup filled with an awful smelling liquid. I drank it slowly at first, but felt it being tipped up for me as I lifted it to my lips. By the time the cup was empty, my body felt numb and I was unsure if I was controlling my body parts as I intended.

"You're cute when you're drunk." Jake laughed and put his arm around my shoulders. I heard my cup being refilled and again he urged me to drink and it didn't taste as bad as the first cup had.

"It smells like a skunk in here." I remember saying. The odor in the room made me sick to my stomach and everyone laughed and I was oblivious as to why.

"Come here." Jake turned my head toward him and I smelled that same awful smell accompanied by his warm breath blew over me and then he kissed me forcefully. I heard him suck in when he pulled away and then he repeated his act. I was feeling light headed and my face felt prickly like your foot does when you sit on it. I wanted to get up, but I didn't' have the energy. My body was so relaxed and my mind could not think of anything serious nor could I take my own anxieties and warnings seriously.

"You're right, Jake, she is pretty." A deep voice spoke and then I felt another body fall onto the couch on my other side and another arm draped around my shoulders and my head was turned his way and I was powerless to stop him from sticking his tongue into my mouth. It tasted nasty, and reminded me of the smell of the chewing tobacco my grandpa used to use. When he was done, Jake kissed me again and eased me into a laying position, using his friends lap as a pillow.

Immediately, my tee shirt was lifted and my bra unhooked and a pair of hands caressed my breasts, but they couldn't have been Jakes because his were cupping my face as he kissed me hard, making me gasp for air when he pulled away.

"I need to go home." But no one was listening.

I heard them laugh and soon I realized that there was no party and Jake and his friend were the only ones there with the loud music, alcohol and weed.

My jeans were removed next and I couldn't do anything to stop them from moving me to the bedroom. I was unfamiliar with my surroundings, high and drunk and unable to anything more than lay where they had put me and let them do what they wanted. I felt them on either side of my body, taking turns kissing me and their hands groped and rubbed me everywhere. Their fingers toyed with me in very intimate places until one of them repositioned themselves and I pulled my body closer to his mid-section. I heard his zipper, I felt his warmth. It was going to happen.

"I feel sick."

Before the words escaped my now sore and hoarse throat I heard smashing, loud deep shouts and a commotion that I knew was an altercation of some kind. I could hear fists delivered against skin, I could hear glass breaking and knew the shattering to be too much to be a lamp or a knick knack.

"Son of bitch! We're on the third floor! You killed him! You killed him!" Jake's shouts were shrill and I was unable to do more than roll to the floor, grasping a thin, silky textured material to cover myself.


	13. Chapter 13

"Don't touch me," Unable to scream although I wanted to, I felt a hand touch my arm and my heart picked up its pace, then I don't remember anything at all. My system shut down and my mind turned off. When I awoke all was quiet. I moved my hand first, feeling around for any sign of the familiar. Beside me I felt the warmth of another body and I began my breathes quickened.

"Cory, Cory it's me." He touched my cheek. "It's me."

"Randy," I cried and threw my arms around his neck and buried my tears into his shoulder. I lost all control and finally let what had happened settle into my mind and I finally allowed myself to think about what could have happened. Randy had saved me, but wait. Why was he there? "How? I …"

"I've been following you." He choked out his words. "I … just couldn't stay away."

"Following me? But you have school?"

"I transferred to a school only a few miles away." That was convenient, I thought, but at that moment I was glad he had.

"I saw you go into that apartment and I listened at the door. I worry about you Cory. I was going to leave you with your new boyfriend until I heard you yell."

"I yelled?"

"Ya. You said no and I couldn't walk away. Before that all I could hear was the music, but I knew you wouldn't have screamed loud enough to be heard over it unless something was wrong. Are you mad?"

"No." I should have been, but what Jake could have done with his friends was far worse than what had happened between me and Randy.

"I brought you home. I just wanted to make sure you were okay. Are you okay?"

"Ya, I'm fine." I smiled.

"Well, I'm going to go."

"Stay, Randy." I implored.

But he didn't stay. There was sadness in his voice, he sounded so different from before, like a piece of him was missing.

I went on with college, unable to trust anyone who approached me. I told about Jake and his friends and found out that I was not the only girl he had done this to, but it took my bravery to speak up before anyone else came forward.

I lost that self confidence I had found and found myself terrified to walk about on my own. I couldn't get to my room fast enough and lock the door. When I felt myself feeling more scared than normal, I would call Randy and ask him where he was and most of the time he would tell me he wasn't far away and that he could see me. I knew he was basically my stalker, but I felt safer knowing he was watching me. For Christmas that year, I received the best gift I have ever been given. Randy bought me a seeing eye dog. A large German Sheppard that he said would help keep me safe. It made me feel like my gift of the handmade medallion with "My heart forever" engraved in brail seem inadequate, but he loved it even though I wouldn't tell him what it said. I had been told there an image of an angel on the front of the circular object and I told him it would keep him safe. But really, he was my angel of mercy. The one who saved me whenever trouble arose.

A few months before graduation, I learned that the reason Randy never stayed close for long was because my father had placed an restraining order against him and he had to stay at least a hundred feet away from me at all times. He took a huge risk every time he was in the same room with me. I thought it was something that should have been talked over with me and I was furious. I was so tired of being considered disabled and having my father over every major decision in my life. It was that anger that drove me to do what I did. I found a doctor who had come to the school looking for volunteers to undergo an experimental surgery. That day he had found none willing to take the risk, but nearly a year later I found his name and his number and I ventured on the bus to pay him a visit. After Jake's attack and my father's overbearing control, I had become desperate. I wanted to see again and I would do anything to make that happen.

"Don't do this, Cory. It's dangerous." Over and over Randy called my cell, begging me not to take the chance, but I didn't listen, even when he threatened to phone my father and tell him what I was doing.

I lay on the table, closed my eyes hoping that when I opened them, I would again see everything that I had missed for so long.


	14. Chapter 14

Sometimes in life things turn out as you plan. Sometimes they don't. Randy was my best friend, then I had dreams of him that were far more. I always knew I would grow up and marry the man of my dreams, a man who would not care if age widened my hips and wrinkles marred my complexion. I always imagined I would live in the home of my dreams with two children, a boy and a girl and my parents would visit and spoil them. I envisioned barbecues and holidays with my perfect happy family, full of laughter. Who I was wouldn't be something I would be ashamed of any longer.

But life doesn't turn out as we plan. The surgery restored my sight. Not to its original state of course, but I don't complain about the glasses I have to wear at all times. My father let up slightly on his control and I don't hold grudges against him. After all, he did it out of love.

I'm a woman in my mid thirties now and I live in a beautiful home. One story with a decent sized fenced in yard for my two twin girls to play in. I still own the dog, Randy gave me. He's old and he can barely see himself now, so I am taking care of him like he once took care of me. I was married, but now I find myself sitting in the waiting room of the court house waiting for my divorce hearing. For a year I fought a man for custody of my children, but I know the home will be mine, for he has found a better home with the woman he left me for. I find myself wishing I had been more like her. Feminine and soft spoken. Understanding, never losing her temper or raising her voice, even when things are pretty bad. I watched her for some time after hearing the news. She's dainty and frail, nothing like the tomboy I have always been. Her hair is always perfect, every strand in place, her clothes wrinkle free and the nails on her tiny hands always perfectly manicured. Even as I wait for my name to be called, I have managed to spill my coffee on my simple dress.

And as I write this, I heard a voice behind me, and I turned and saw a familiar face standing behind me. Soft smile, boyish good looks slightly aged and I realize that he had been standing there the entire time, reading as I wrote about a time in my life that I loved and broke my heart at the same time.

"There's nothing about you I would change." He whispered and I stood and hugged my old friend. A friend I had not seen since I had woken up from surgery without foggy vision. I don't remember why I had cast him from my life once and for all. Maybe it was his lack of faith in the surgery that would restore my life. Perhaps I thought he should have been sure as I was. Part of me felt like he wanted me to stay dependent on people, hoping I would attach myself to him. Eventually, we would stop talking and our relationship faded into a memory. But now that he was again beside me, I realized that he was the only man who ever truly loved me and I would never let him go again.


End file.
